oh anxiety

I've been beyond homesick recently. I miss my family SO much and I miss Rochester, everything about it. Even the snow. I just keep thinking about how wonderful it will be to be home and just lay on my couch and watch tv. That's all I want to do.

The issue is, I won't have a good trip home if I don't receive my masters results, or if God forbid, I fail my masters. That would honestly be the worst thing in the world that has ever happened for me. Not only with 35,000 dollars me wasted, but I'll have to quit my job with hardly any notice, thereby making my employers hate me for life, and then I'll have to sort out my place because I won't be able to get my post grad visa. And I won't be able to go to Northern Ireland for Christmas. Any my life will literally be ruined. Like not kidding.

I don't even know when these results are supposed to come. I though it would be this week but who knows. I can't focus on my life. Like I really cannot. Thanks UCL.

So that's the biggest problem in my life right now. I need to pass and I need to get my visa letter so I can easily apply for my next visa when home. Then I can worry about that.

I know I like London, I just can't focus on that right now. Something in me just tells me that I have to stick it out, I have to be strong because being here is where I need to be at this point in my life. I've put so many things in my life on hold until I find out my results and get my visa. Oh please let me have passed.

I know this post is all sorts of crazy, but It's the main worry in my life now.

And I'm lonely, but I can't focus on that because I NEED TO GET MY RESULTS! I'm just sick of coming home to an unfriendly house, where I have to spend my evenings in my room trying to fill the hours before bed. It's probably not healthy.

Basically, I need this vacation. But, firstly I need to find out about my masters.

I always see a man walking around Golder Green who looks just like Tevye. Well, a fatter Tevye. But it always reminds me of this song. And the second saddest song from Fiddler on the Roof.

Wow I really think they went to Golders Green to fill all the Fiddler on the Roof extra roles. Love the GG.

And the best song in Fiddler on the Roof:

Sorry for all the videos this morning my 5 readers, it's been one of those Sundays.

University Park, Oxford

Should look through some old photos I adored you in every one of those.

There is Something Rotten in Denmark and it's His Piss Poor Attitude

It never gets old. And he offers really solid advice.

I "discovered" this song today and am totally obsessed. Oh Robert Smith, what a legend.

Let yourself go. Pull out from the depths those thoughts that you do not understand, and spread them out in the sunlight and know the meaning of them.

A ROOM WITH A VIEW, E.M. FORSTER

(via Fuck Yea, Literary Quotes)

Monday's Sunrise

Now that it's becoming winter, it's pretty much pitch dark every morning when I wake up, meaning I get to watch the sunrise. Monday it was incredible. But it also proved the saying, Red skies at night, Sailor's delight, red skies in the morning, sailor's take warning, because it was AWFUL weather the entire day from like 10am to 6pm. Also, fun fact, the Brits say Shepherds take warning. Crazay!