I literally just spit all over my laptop from this clip.

found via Best Week Ever

I've been meaning to watch this for over a week. I finally got around to it and it did not disappoint. Amazing.

A friend sent me the link to Pictures of Walls yesterday. A blog that contains exactly what its name suggests. It's filled with a whole slew of random things written on walls, funny like the one above, or sad, or cute, or sentimental and so on. Definitely worth a look.

Primrose Hill at Sunset

I hate Mondays

Today was such a Monday. I couldn't fall asleep last night so I took some sleeping pills too late and therefore felt drowsy for most of the morning at work. That then transformed into a feeling of being useless and lethargic. Finally settling on just plain useless. I really feel like I'm useless at my job sometimes, which is annoying.

I just hope I don't slip back into my fun August pattern of anxiety. Eeeek.

My nostalgia for home has also reached the breaking point where I've fully romanticised Rochester.

But I'll be fine. I just need a good Tuesday. Though all my worst days at work have been Tuesdays. STOP IT HAYLEY!!!

live version of mah new theme song

Amazing song! Perfect soundtrack for how I want my life to go (though it won't go that way because nothing can be easy sigghz).

Horoscopes

My weekly horoscopes thus far have been kind of nerve wracking, mostly about issues that could arise at work/ things I'll have to fight for at work/ in Education. Two areas that are causing me mucho stress right now with my visa drama. Though my mother tells me I'm being ridiculous. Well here's the most positive horoscope I've found so far. And it's from my "beloved" Daily Mail.

"Your Week Ahead starting Saturday 25 September 2010: When we successfully find a way to compensate for a problem, we tend to feel exceptionally fond of our 'solution'. We grow dependent on it. We may even get addicted to it. If someone comes into our world and tells us that we can no longer access this resource, we grow very anxious. Even when they explain with the next breath that we won't need it any more because the original difficulty is also being taken away from us, we may continue to feel apprehensive. Don't hang on now to something that it is perfectly safe to let go of. Life is moving on this week. It is time for you to allow yourself to move on too. Your Week Ahead Part Two - Love Focus: When deep-sea divers reach the bottom of the ocean, the first thing they have to do is stand and wait until the sand, stirred up by their arrival on the ocean floor, has settled. Keep this in mind over the next week or so. It is far too early to tell what's really going on in your life. You have arrived somewhere. You have shifted something. Things are sure to be different from now on. But in what way? First impressions can sometimes be unreliable. Beware the temptation to jump to negative conclusions you feel tempted to jump to. What's actually in store is a drama and a revelation which both have a brilliant outcome."

Just saying... the UK does not have Stephen Colbert testifying before Parliament.

It's grey and raining outside. My face is covered in gigantic pimples. I ate brownies for lunch and felt socially awkward/inferior . Now it's pouring and I have to venture out to buy something for my awful skin and food for this week. And my housemate owes me 36£.

I then read this postsecret and felt more lonely because I can't imagine anyone feeling like that about me.

And I really need a shower/bath.

And it's pouring even more. Ughhhhhhhhh.

I've Been Waiting for a Guy to Come and Take me by the Hand

This song too often describes my most troubling nights out. The kind that end with me feeling like I'm going to be single forever. Though this song also represents my award winning jaunt in student journalism, so it's also a positive part of my soul. Really though, that review was included in a best of UK Student Journalism guide. WIN WIN WIN.

Happy One Year Anniversary England

Exactly a year ago today I arrived on these shores. Here's to (hopefully) another year. (Though of course it's a year and nine months if you include my blissful days in Oxxxfford).

The prettiest song ever....

that I've dedicated to all my crushes (at least those since 2007). Fact, I fell in love with this song on the plane to England for my Oxford time.

Another fact, I saw My Morning Jacket open for Doves in Rochester way before they were big. I'm so hipsta!

Saddest Song Ever!!!

Tears. Their true love is so apparent in the video! (both Lancelot and Guinevere and Franco Nero and Vanessa Redgrave obvs).

best photo of myself ever

Best (worst) morning ever

My morning started off with disaster after disaster.

A rundown:

1) Woke up at 645 (set my alarm for 710) and within two minutes started worrying about a document that I thought was on my bedstand. Couldn't find it. I must have thrown it away. Disaster.

2) The lid broke on my new semi-expensive facepowder and about 1/3 of it spilled on my carpet. Left it there for me to clean up tonight. It also got all over my other makeup products and my makeup brushes so when I put the powder on my face it coated my face a lovely orange hue and I had to start over.

3) I was then in a hurry to get to the tube and jumped on without really checking it was the Bank branch of the Northern Line. I realized I was on the Charing Cross branch two stops after my last opportunity to transfer. I was on the tube through about 6 stations without realizing I got on the wrong lane. I then had to transfer twice and get on the most crowded Northern Line train I've ever been on. Like, unbelievably crowded. Like, no ability to move crowded.

Since then things have been pretty calm. I pray they remain so. Oh how I pray.

Thanks to Kate Nash for writing another theme song for me

I know mah girl Mercedes (who's now livin' it up in the amazing nation of Scotland!) blogged this song a while ago and the album has been on my spotify, but I didn't listen to the whole of Kate Nash's newish album. Well today I felt inspired to listen to the last track and I felt so connected to it that I bought it on itunes.

I could post some lyrics but then I'd feel too creepy. Great.Song.

mah new beat

Robyn is seriously a genius. Both Body Talk 1 and the new Body Talk 2 are masterpieces. Here's my new jam from Body Talk 2.

AMAZING!

Blenheim

Blenheim was lovely. A gigantic estate with gorgeous grounds, like seriously the nicest manmade lake I've ever seen. They also sold delicious pastries. AND they had a deal where if you bought a day pass you could convert it to an annual pass. So now I can return to Blenheim over and over again for a whole year! Happy days.

Yesterday and my weekend in Worcester were good for me. Living in London you can easily forget you're in England. I just get caught up in the anxiety traps I get my mind into and I forget how lucky I am to be living here. While I often think about the fun my friends are having back home, when it comes down to it, they can't take an hour train and be in the English countryside at a historical palace. So there.

LiLo!!!

I innocently signed onto Twitter this morning and was startled by a series of tweets from everyone's favorite mess Lindsay Lohan. Apparently while I slept news broke that LiLo failed a drug test! And she admitted it... on Twitter! Dramz!

All I can say is that Brit Brit is so lucky to have relatively stable and caring parents who were able to relatively bring her back from the cliff of crazy.

Daily Mail story of the mornin'

A return of one of my favorite features. Here's a classic Daily Mail story about "Broken Britain." This time a follow up of Kathleen, (one of, though at the time of the birth she was the youngest) Britain's youngest mum. The story is the usual sad yet can't stop reading varieties that explores where they are now that Kathleen's daughter is 12 (the age she was when she had her).

The best part of the story is a baby picture of Kathleen, underneath which the Mail wrote the caption: "So young: Kathleen aged just 18 months, just a few years before she would give birth aged 12"

Well... while Kathleen did give birth ridiculously young, I think a "few years" may be an overstatement.

Weekend

Tomorrow I'm finally reuniting with Oxford Northern Irish twin and journeying to Blenheim Palace. Which is not only the home of the Duke of Marlbourgh, but also the birthplace of Churchill AND the set for Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet.

I am MASSIVELY excited.

After that we're going to dinner at The Trout, which I attempted to find like four times during my Oxford days. Luckily J knows where it is. Apparently he called to make reservations and they couldn't understand his name in his accent so he had to give them my name. Awkward turtle.

the most calming advert ever

Lady Gaga on her new album...

"The album is my absolute greatest work I've ever done and I'm so excited about it. The message, the melodies, the direction, the meaning, what it will mean to my fans and what it will mean in my own life — it's utter liberation. I knew I had an ability to change the world when I started to receive letters from fans: ‘You saved my life...' ‘I'm gay and my parents threw me out...' My fans have related to me as a human being and as a non-human being - as a super-human person that I truly am." And: "Everyone tells me I'm arrogant but my music's the only thing I've got, so you'll have to let me be confident about one thing. I suppose that's what you can expect from the album: a lot of hit records that will piss people off. Beyoncé said: ‘Where the fuck do you get these ideas from?' And I was like: ‘I don't know Bee, it was just the way I was born.'"

found via the amazing Jezebel

Awkward times at work

I was just sitting here reading a follow up to the most horendous sad story, a story that completely shocked me when it broke. The story about the robbers who tortured and murdered an entire family besides the father. Like, awful awful. I can't even imagine what would drive people to do that to others.

Well I was reading that and then my coworker said something really funny.

So my voice went to sigh from the story and then broke into a delayed laugh from my coworkers comment. What came out sounded like a broken fog horn. Everyone just stopped and went, what was that.

Awkward turtle.

Such a horrible case though. I think they should get the death penalty. They really deserve it.

The art of losing isn't hard to master

I've been repeating this Elizabeth Bishop poem in my mind lately. With so many friends leaving and so many changes in general, I feel like lose is something I'm confronting almost daily. It's a lovely poem though. And sad. My favorite combo.

One Art by Elizabeth

The art of losing isn't hard to master; 

so many things seem filled with the intent 

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.  

Lose something every day. 

Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. 

The art of losing isn't hard to master.  

Then practice losing farther, losing faster: 

places, and names, and where it was you meant 

 to travel. None of these will bring disaster.  

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or 

next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn't hard to master.  

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, 

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. 

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.   

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture 

I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident 

the art of losing's not too hard to master 

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

This poem is especially fitting with my horoscope in today's Evening Standard:

"Ignore certain well-meaning souls who are trying to protect you. Their intentions are good, but they just don't understand how far-reaching the cycle of change you're currently experiencing will be. While you're short of facts, your instincts are making it clear that the most important accessory is an adventurous attitude."

Words to Live By

"What is the meaning of life? That was all- a simple question; one that tended to close in on one with years, the great revelation had never come. The great revelation perhaps never did come. Instead, there were little daily miracles, illuminations, matches struck unexpectedly in the dark."
— Virginia Woolf (To the Lighthouse)

Buy of the Week

Today I for some reason thought it would be a good idea to wear the ugliest pair of heels I have to work. Ugly, too big and uncomfortable. All round fail. So I took this opportunity to purchase what I've wanted for two years, tall leather (fake or real) boots. Luckily New Look was giving 20% off student discounts (my id expires in December), so I got ten £ off these babies. So happy right now.

Also, I didn't get them in black but in a plumish brown color. HOT.

British Shows I need to Watch

It seems like all of England is into two shows right now...

The Inbetweeners, which I've seen two episodes of. I need to catch up ASAP bc the men at work are not going to stop talking about it and I need to get the references. The next series started tonight and the trailer makes it look funny (which it must be because people LOVE IT).

And, This is England 86'. A lot more dark, but apparently amazing. I still need to see the film that started it.

It's way too late to be this locked inside ourselves The trouble is that you're in love with someone else It should be me. Oh, it should be me

Flashback to my youth tonight when a not trendy at all pub started playing all of Interpol's Antics. This song eventually came on and I was suddenly 16 again. My mental state was definitely not helped by my famished state and a third awkward run-in, making it one a week. Well, not full on awkward, but not a comfortable situation. Oh boy I'm going to regret this post. Meh. Enjoy the song, I'm going to recharge with food.

I should also point out, the song doesn't have to do with the awkwardness. I have other songs to go for that. All TV on the Radio songs. Which, incidentally replaced Interpol as my favorite band my Sophomore year of College. OMG more fitting because Interpol became my fav band my Sophomore year of high school and now I'm in my Sophomore year (?) of post undergrad life. It's like this was all meant to happen! Sarcasm. Oh God Hayley, put down the laptop...

DrEaMz

Saturday nightI had two CRAZY dreams. I'm including the Dream Moods Dictionary meanings so we can suss out what my mind is trying to tell me.

Dream 1

I dreamt that my hair kept falling out in clumps. I was so mad because I got it cut for it to be healthy and it just made my hair less healthy. I remember seeing handfulls of my hair when I ran my fingers through it.

Meaning:
"To dream that you are losing your hair, denotes that you are concerned with the notion that you are getting older and losing your sex appeal and virility. You are preoccupied with aging and your appearance. Losing your hair also signifies a lack of strength; you do not have the power to succeed in an undertaking. You may be feeling weak and vulnerable."

Well, I don't think the first part is true. I am definitely concerned with getting older, but I don't really have sex appeal to lose... I think the second part definitely is true. I feel powerless with some things in my life right now and I'm trying to be strong, but I guess ultimately I'm vulnerable. Good work mine.

Dream 2

This was a REAL crazy one. I had a dream that I was pregnant, but when I had the baby it died. My mom in the dream was white trash defined (mullet, ugly denim top, ugly ill fitting jeans, etc.) and didn't speak to my dad. My dad (who was basically Mickey Rourke) came to visit me in the hospital and gave me a big hug and said it would be alright. I started crying in the dream and actually woke up sobbing. Awful.

According to the dream dictionary

"To see a dead baby in your dream, symbolizes the ending of something that was once a part of you."

I can't imagine what part of myself is ending. WAIT I CAN. I just finished school for the first time ever and I'm afraid to enter the real world!!!! AH! It's so perfect!!! I really am though. Wow. Both dreams make crazy sense.

UPDATE: AH! I remember more of the baby dream. The baby died when someone threw it from a train!! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?!?

The closest thing in the Dream Dictionary is train wreck and it says:

To see or dream that you are in a train wreck, suggests chaos. The path to your goals are not going according to the way you planned it out. You are lacking self-confidence and having doubt in your ability to reach your goals.

Which I guess makes a lot of sense as well!

Worcester/Gloucester highlights

Gloucester... prettiest cathedral I've been too (and it contained (randomly) modern art!)...

River Severn (which is pronounced kindof like seven)/ Worcester...

SO PRETTY. Perfect weather! Amazing weekend!

I actually want to buy everything on this literary gifts site. And I think some of my readers will feel the same (aka Sara and Lianne). Thanks to India Knight for posting it...

BTW: Dinner tonight was fantastic. And I think I've gained a stone. (SO BRITISH)

Worcester

In Worcester. I spent last night being force fed cheese and ham toasties and watching 3 hours of Big Brother (along with hearing epic tales of my amazing host's family). Best.friday.night.ever. Definitely beats my usual time of stumbling home from happy hour and passing out. FUN.

Then today I went to Gloucester and saw the cathedral, which is actually the most beautiful cathedral I've EVER seen. And that means a lot considering my gigantic love of cathedrals. I'll post pics lataahhh. Tonight lots more food and tomorrow HOMEMADE SUNDAY ROAST!!!!!!

So happy to be here!!! Recharging after months of anxiety. Though, I need to join a gym asap after I get back. I'm turning into a Fat-Tay. Tears.

Rah Chester

I haven't been home to Rochester since January. This marks the longest period in my life that I've been away from Upstate. I'm not homesick, but there are things I miss about home, but I've come to realize (besides family and friends obs), the things I miss are all food related. Sad?

I give to you, the food places I miss in Rochester (yes, some of these are American chains I can't get here...)

• WEGMANS!
• Alladins
• Hogans Hideaway (my favorite restaurant of all time)
• IHOP
• Coldstone Creamery
  
• Plum Garden
• Spot Coffee
  
• Java's
  
• GNPK
• Bruegger's Bagels
• Pittsford Barnes and Nobles
  
• Five Guys
  
• Tom Wahls

Ahhh I'd love me a good American burger...

favorite autumn songs

In the spirit of Autumn fast approaching, I give you my top five autumn songs (in no particular order, that would be too hard).

Joni Mitchell- Urge for Going

Yo La Tengo- Tiny Birds (reminds me of Sophomore year at GW)

Nick Drake- Riverman

The next two are actually my top two favorites. I can't say which I love more.

Yo La Tengo- Autumn Sweater (reminds me of my Senior year of high school)

Bert Jansch- October Song (reminds me of Freshman year GW)

Autumn Approaches

I like the word Autumn a lot better than Fall. Good choice British people. I love autumn, but it makes me feel melancholy at times, like today at work. I once again, just want to be able to look at my life 10 years from now and see that I'm okay. Is that so much to ask? Yes.

The UCL stage of my life is officially over. Pamela left for America yesterday, thereby creating a huge friendship crater in my life. I'll probably be okay, I just always get nervous about social things. FAIL.

I can't believe a year ago I was working at Michaels and hating my life. At least I've progressed from there. It was as far as my life goes, a pretty productive year filled with lots of traumas that make good stories for future generations (passport issue, intense ridiculous hopeless crushes, love life fails, magical Scotland, ridiculous people, a work place filled with British men, etc.). I don't know if it equalled my year in Oxford, but it was close. Ah England. I'll do a big retrospective once it's officially been a year.

Being in London, I sometimes forget I'm in England. Well, I forget how amazingly pretty England is. Luckily this weekend I'm heading to Worcester (which has an AMAZING cathedral, quasi seen above) to stay with the couple I stayed with as part of my Oxford homestay weekend. I am beyond excited to get out of London and sleep in the relative countryside and eat amazing English home cooked meals.

My new haircut is basically a disaster. It's so short and I can't just let it be, I'm actually going to have to style it. Also, it seems to have been inspired by a character on Battlestar Gallactica. DISASTER!
But it looks better on her. I just look fat and awk.

I'm still obsessed with this version of Hounds of Love.

And I think this quote explains why (though, I'm thinking of this song as a poem soooo):

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours" - Alan Bennett- History Boys

Wknd

My weekend has gone like this:

Friday night I once again had too many glasses of wine at happy hour and once again made my coworker buy me dinner. Though this time we went to McDonalds so I don't feel so guilty. Then on the way back one of my work's security guards stopped me on the street and called me a good time girl. Not sure.

Saturday I bought a cute new dress at H&M and got my haircut. My hair stylist is looking even more foxy these days. I also found out that he's Hungarian, not French as I for some reason assumed. He also told me he didn't want to take off that much length and then proceeded to take off all the length. Not sure how I feel about it. It's reaaallllyy short and I'm always ehhh about short hair.

Then I met up with mah Scottish hunnay Ruth and we had a huge dinner at Pizza Express and spent the night watching cop programs on TV and drinking wine. Best Night EVA!!!

Now I don't know what to do with my free time ahhhh! It seems to be raining out so I suppose I can just make this a lazy Sunday.

Wow

This is honestly the most hipster shit I've EVER seen. And I mean that. And I've exposed myself to loootttsss of hipsta shit, so it means something for me to say that.

found via best week ever

I haven't had my morning coffee yet (I ran out of the shit excuse for coffee England sells... I'm so SICK OF INSTANT COFFEE!!!), but I want to promote my friend Jennie, who started an amazing food blog about a month ago. All of the recipes look amazing (the ones I've tried are), so it's a must read. It's all delicious vegetarian food. Yummmmmm.

TEARS

Rachel's Birthday Video from Kristian Anderson on Vimeo.

wow. via Gawker.

Dearest Reader...

I make my triumphal return! I handed in my dissertation yesterday, I'm not very pleased with it but I think I would be surprised if I failed, as I showed effort. The past month has been filled with more anxiety than I've ever had in my life. Like I actually had anxiety attacks. And I got strep throat. So I'm trying to start September as a semi-YP (still temping full time at my job, I can't be a real employee till I get mah visa extension (source of stress numba 1)) with a fresh, positive perspective on life.

I'm going to talk out my anxiety and try to be rational about it!

I've also moved to North London and I LOVE it here. It feels like my own little haven. It's just so nice! the picture included with this post is from Hampstead Garden Suburbs aka where I want to live when I'm older and rich. It's in the same area of London from me, but the more swanky bit.

I still can't get over the fact that I'm no longer a student. I've been a student since I was 3 (pre-school counts right?), I don't know when it's going to hit me. What am I going to do with all my free time? I'm going to have to pick up some hobbies.

Also, sadly, most of my UCL friends are leaving so I need I reorganize friend groups. Thankfully two of my best Oxford friends have moved/are moving to London, so I intend to exploit them for their friends. I'm also going to Worcester to see the amazing family I had my home stay with while at Oxford. So!Excited! And I'm making Oxford Northern Irish twin take me to Blenheim, where I can honor Kenneth Branagh AND Churchill! WIN.

The summer was an interesting one. Lots of ups and downs. But mostly anxiety. I really intend on getting rid of all that anxiety and leading a normal life. A normal Y-P life! ahhhh!!!!!